placebo, a woman placed in the role of birth-giver, life-carrier,
sham in sheep’s clothing, if a sheep wore halters and minis.
greys began to grow at the age your daughter is now,
genesis, religious visits to the salon, covered in vanity.
life now, shadow of what might have transposed, silvery
roots showing, fading toward dark-brown, former box dye
pounds stacking, youthful figure left in
photographs, bikini smiles and beer can hands.
three kids catching up and catching on,
leaving you grasping for cash.
that lost body could get you into beds never
desired, rather slip into their back pockets.
men’s wallets grew the opposite direction of your
current frame, eventually, they leveled, and crossed.
an intersection that came up too quick, cut
brake line, many claimed self-sabotage.
did it to herself. built a wall, impenetrable.
no love got in, or out. only a superficial form.
shape could coerce, conjure, all you desire(d), “you could
have a dog, if i have you in bed…” emails i came across.
i saw too much but not enough, saw more in present
day, in the shift from wide-eyed to skeptical, i grew
the feeling of having a mother, a birther, a one-time place
between two legs, but never a place in your heart.
